レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 7月17日 13時09分

My name is Rachel and I am not ok. I haven't shared this properly before even though I always share most of everything but in February of this year, my mom tried to commit suicide. It shattered me on a level so profound, I've lost my sense of identity. She abandoned me and it's not the first time and now our family is in a million pieces.
Im five years old again but this time it's not after my birthday party, it's during a trip I took to Thailand and she is in Sweden. It's not her fiancé crashing his plane into the ocean but her husband divorcing her. It's not suicide letters neatly left in sealed envelopes, one for me, one for my brother and one for everyone else, it's a message through What's App and she is telling me to take care of my sisters and my brother and she's so sorry she didn't make it. It's still vodka and enough pills to ensure a certain death.

The last time, which I just found out was not the first time but the second, it was my grandmother calling the ambulance. This time it's me in a foreign country, on the phone with her ex husband and the locksmith and the police, trying to explain that they NEED to knock the door down because my mother is dying she is almost dead it's for real I promise but no one will believe me. No one will believe me but they do as I say because I'm hysterical. It takes forever and time has frozen but they do as I say and they screw the bolts out of the door and the ambulance comes and she is unconscious on the bed and the whole time all I can think is how will I ever live without my mother when she is the center of everything. And now it's five months later and nothing has healed. No one is fine and I am so angry I want to scream until my voice is gone and I'm sad and I'm scared and I'm five years old wondering if it's all my fault. Maybe I should have been better, less fussy, teased my brother less. Maybe if I am perfect my mom will want to live. So I become perfect and my entire life revolves around being the best at everything and suddenly I'm 26 and history repeats itself and people tell me "it had nothing to do with you" but how could it not have anything to do with me when I am the one always saving her life

[BIHAKUEN]UVシールド(UVShield)

>> 飲む日焼け止め！「UVシールド」を購入する