レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 11月11日 00時06分

Dennis says I get too attached too quickly. That running an animal rescue means these things will always happen. That no one will ever know why she died. Maybe she was really sick or maybe she was too fragile or maybe she just needed her mom and all I did was prolong her life by a few days. Maybe she wouldn't have made it no matter what. But all I think is I shouldn't have gone to sleep. I should have stayed in there with her all night. I should have called the emergency vet. I should have saved her. She was tiny and she died all alone. I sat with her til 2.30am and I felt something was wrong she was too tired not wanting to eat enough something was off. But her breathing was normal and she wasn't cold and she was walking around during the day and moving so I thought it's the middle of the night she is just tired and I'm waking her up all the time to eat and make sure she is warm. I should just let her sleep. And I was really really tired and I picked maybe 150 fleas off her little body it was like she was producing them. How could there be so many fleas on such a little puppy. And she was making the cutest sounds like she was objecting me taking them off. I thought of that cartoon where the dog wants to keep his fleas because they are his friends so he tries to keep them safe and I smiled a little and thought well, at least she is not alone. She has all these flea buddies. So I kept petting her and she was breathing and snuggled next to her heating bottle and I said goodnight and went to sleep and woke up to check on her and the white towel she was lying on was covered in black dots. Covered. The fleas all left her. So many, hundreds. "Maybe the thing the vet gave her is working" I thought but then I touched her and she was cold and stiff and all alone and even the fleas had left her. She died and maybe it's not my fault but maybe I could have done more and maybe I get too attached and maybe this is just the way of things. She was just a tiny puppy but maybe she was the sweetest lesson. We lost hope and today I really feel like I lost hope.
I don't know where to bury her.

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