レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 11月2日 11時43分

Had such a crappy day. And I couldn't figure out why. Woke up with super intense lower back pain and fought with Dennis about stupid shit all day and then my favorite rose quartz sphere that I love so much fell from the table and cracked. I hadn't had time to record this weeks podcast yet so I laid down in bed with the mic and just vented and shared and cried. .
It wasn't until the very end of recording that I realized: I had a bad day because the entire night, I was worried Lea Luna wasn't breathing. She fell asleep at 7 and normally she moves and stirs a lot at night but last night, she was dead asleep and didn't even turn over once. She slept all night through and I was up once an hour trying to make sure she was still breathing in the dark (which of course she was). Laying half awake all night obsessing about whether or not your daughter is dead... Isn't a great way to start the day. .
The fear of something happening to her is so paralyzing, I don't think I could function as a human being if it was conscious in my mind throughout the day. But it's there, gnawing at me, in every moment. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's just what my life is. And not talking about it and pretending I'm fine and not obsessing over all the ways in which she might suddenly stop breathing or drown or disappear is exhausting. I think about it all the time. The what if. I wouldn't be able to manage a what if like that. I can't even hold the thought in my mind without panic rising in the back of my throat. .
And now I'm sitting here. On the couch, holding this rock. I'm drained and tired and I have a husband that's annoyed because I've nagged him about stupid stuff all day. When really all I want is for him to stand over the crib with me looking at her chest rising and falling rising and falling and instead of telling me I'm crazy just say "I know. I worry too".

[BIHAKUEN]UVシールド(UVShield) 更年期に悩んだら

>> 飲む日焼け止め！「UVシールド」を購入する