Throwback to January 2014! Almost 4 years ago I flew to Japan for the first time for a fashion show, taking a friend with me. After that I was offered to work for a japanese model & talent agency. For the first months I saw this life through rosy goggles of living a life people would envy me for. It took me a long time to realize it really wasn‘t that way. And even though I would have liked to keep the illusion that I was endlessly happy and nothing could touch me, I was crumbling under the hatred that fed my self-esteem issues. I was everybody‘s best friend and favourite photo op when I went outside, but as soon as I was alone I was bombarded with mean messages and „anonymous“ overexaggerations from my life. ( ；∀；) Even now I see some of the people who hurt me in my early days succeed and get support even though they publically hurt me and others. They ultimately won when I left my third agency to make music in 2017. ♪( ´θ｀) It has gotten easier since leaving Japan and I am able to make changes to my life, live offline for the most part, and cut ties with the people who hurt me the most. I had pushed myself through a lot of things I wasn‘t comfortable with in the past, thinking it would make me stronger or show that I‘m an adult. It just taught people to use me, and hurt me a lot. It took me a very long time to realize the person everybody wanted and who I really was weren‘t even close. And that I would definitely not find who I wanted to be in Japan. I still love the country, my true friends I made there and I‘m proud of the things I achieved the past years. However I am looking forward to becoming a real person again who doesn‘t just live for other people. ?? #姫沢 #ドイツ人 #外国人 #himezawa #kimono #成人の日 #サブリナ #tokyo #japanadventures #youtubejapan

himezawaさん(@himezawa)が投稿した動画 - 2018/10/13 18:54:48