ヴィッキー・パティソンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (ヴィッキー・パティソンInstagram)「This is a picture of me the morning that I had to collect my results from the fertility clinic. I am usually quite a strong, together woman- but on that morning I felt like a scared little girl. Tormented by the possibility that my childish decisions over the years may have stopped me from being able to have a baby. Until recently motherhood has not been something that I considered- it wasn’t a role I wanted to play. But since turning 30 & almost getting married- since feeling like I was maturing as a person the desire to become a mother is something that has grown inside me & even though my circumstances changed- I couldn’t turn off that feeling. Something has awoken inside of me & it’s impossible to ignore. I have lived a life of excess- there’s no hiding from that- my most prolific partying days were well recorded & broadcasted for all to see on @mtvuk- I’ve slut dropped & down jäger all over the world for people’s viewing pleasure & I have never once considered the ramifications of my lifestyle long term & in this moment, when this picture was taken- I hated myself, for being selfish, reckless & lacking the maturity to see that I could be causing great emotional distress for myself in the future. In this moment, I was all too aware of the possible consequences. Since getting my results I have endeavoured to live a healthier lifestyle, sure I still like a drink here & there- I’m not completely turning my back on gin- but this experience was a wake up call. If I want to have children I need to start looking after myself so I’ve been trying to sleep better (unsuccessfully so far but I’m working on it 😂😩) eat well & be more active.. It might look like I’ve been a proper work shy toerag this last month doing yoga in Bali & hiking in cyprus but quite frankly I’ve been trying to come to terms with the changes I need to make in my life. I don’t know for definite if motherhood is in my stars- I’d like it to be but we’ll just have to see- but what I do know is that beating myself up over my past won’t help me conceive- so I am going to stop & take control of my present & project positivity for my future. Vicky Pattison: No Filter @ 10pm on @quest_red tonight.」10月24日 0時42分