アンジェラ・磨紀・バーノンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (アンジェラ・磨紀・バーノンInstagram)「In the last couple of weeks I took on the role of being one of the primary caretakers, along with my brother, for my dad who has dementia. There have been so many unexpected challenges, that I’ve been doubting myself, wondering if I’m making the right choices. I’ve felt disappointed in myself, like a failure, and not good enough when things didn’t go the way I expected for my fathers situation— and what I realized is that all of these feelings stem from the trauma of my dad leaving me when I was young. It’s incredible how intensely and for how long I’ve been affected by something that happened when I was just a small child. And all those negative beliefs and feelings about myself created some actions that I am not proud of. And then those feelings came back again- the disappointment in myself, not being good enough, not worthy of being loved. I cried a lot, felt lost in that cycle, and then I had to remember to ask for support again. I’m grateful for all the support I have around me, the friends that love and accept me for who I am, who encourage me to get out of that hole and feel worthy again. Just knowing that I am loved brings me peace. I truly believe life is continual work that just keeps going. You make a mistake and get to correct it the best you can, and then get back up and start moving forward again. I want to encourage all of you out there who are feeling the same- rejected, disappointed in yourself or not good enough- I want all of you to know that you’re not alone in this and that we are powerful beings who are able to create a new belief in ourselves and to deeply know that we are loved! Reach out and ask for support to remember your worth! 数週間前に日本からハワイへと移住してきた父。痴呆症の父を兄と共にケアーをしている中で私が感じたのは自分の力の無さ。徘徊をしては怪我をして、という中でホームに入れるという決断をしたのだけれども自分の決断が正しいのか？本当にこれで良いのか？と今の状況に納得がいかない父を見るたびに思い、父が私の決断に対して怒りを表す度に自分が幼い頃に受けた傷が掘り起こされ、心が暗く、硬くなり始め又父から愛されなくなると感じてしまい、父を満足させてあげられてない自分に対しての落胆がfearとなり、この数週間いつもの自分を失いかけていた私。そんな時に助けてくれたのは周りのお友達。お友達からの励ましの言葉と優しさに癒されやっと光が見えるようになりました。心がいつもの柔らかい状態に戻り、自分は愛されていると感じられるようになったのです。つまずいたり、転んだり、先が見えなくなったり、でも立ち上がり、又前に進み。。この繰り返しが人生なんだろうなぁ。先が見えない、自分が愛されていないのでは？悲しい気持ちや落胆しているという方、1人で悩まずに周りにサポートを求めて下さい。そして”自分は愛されている”と心から感じて信じて下さい❤️」11月16日 3時25分