スカイラー・カーギルさんのインスタグラム写真 - (スカイラー・カーギルInstagram)「77 days ago was december 2nd, 2019. i wasn’t with my mum on this canal cruise through amsterdam. i wasn’t at work, painting walls and seeing some of my best friends. i wasn’t at home with my instruments or tools or paint that usually made me feel home. i wasn’t pouring a tall glass of wine and hoping to forget. i wasn’t journaling in all capital letters. i wasn’t myself. . . 77 days ago, i went to the hospital after not sleeping for too many weeks. i asked myself “what is too long to go without sleep?” but really should have been asking myself, all along, “is this okay?” . . 77 days ago i began on a course of treatment for bipolar disorder that has been constantly changing. and damn, don’t let me keep saying it has been okay. i tell myself that every day, just think it into positivity. yet, it hasn’t been okay, but after building a career being a positive influence on younger lgbtq youth, i didn’t feel like i could say anything about these years. . . now is better than never. at 15, my family and i figured this was mood swings from coming out as trans. at 28, it’s far from that. for myself, it has ranged from feeling like the most creative, upbeat, happy human being who is able to reach out to others, write new music, create new projects, and maybe complete them. a week later, i am attending an AA meeting, crying into my cat’s fur, throwing my life into a dumpster fire on the abandoned property that is my though of “home.” . . knowing “why” i feel this way hasn’t made it any better. it used to, you know? the why would answer all the what if’s. now, i just don’t know. i booked up every hour of this week with zumba, pilates, yoga, meetings, cleaning my fish, working my actual jobs and finishing one book. i won’t be able to do it all, but damn, i will try, because i have to keep moving. even when the psychiatrist says hey i have to see you this wednesday and i can’t even call them back because i can’t afford to miss any more work. i have to keep moving. and i thank whoever, whomever, and whatever has supported me in doing so because.. yes, i will be here; and yes, it is hard. thank you. . the national suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255」2月18日 3時59分