ベス・ロッデンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (ベス・ロッデンInstagram)「This winter I started working on a climb with a girlfriend. I’ve gotten much more comfortable climbing with women in my 30’s, a wonderful change. We were having a blast sharing beta and lamenting how sore we were when someone casually said "it will be a first female ascent whoever does it first" and something switched in me. It was a familiar feeling, one that I knew well but thought I had buried long ago. A relentless and ruthless drive that I never gave voice to because it felt unflattering and unbecoming. At home I told my husband I didn't like this feeling. I knew that my competitiveness was real, that I did have true a desire to push myself, I thought it's just what set aside greatness from normalcy. But as I started to ask myself why it meant so much to me, I realized part of it was actually a fear of being left behind or alone. If my friend did it first, then I'd be forgotten, like I wouldn't matter, that she'd get all the praise and people would like her more. A lot of my self worth came from success in climbing. Vocalizing it made it seem small and sad because I knew that if my friend (one who brought me food in my darkest postpartum days and took my baby so I could get a precious hour of sleep) did it first none of my fears would actually come true, she’d be there to support me after. It all seems so simple and normal and sad but true. And maybe for some people these feelings never exist, but I know when I started climbing there were few women in the sport, and even fewer climbing together. I always wondered if it was because we all shared this amazing and ruthless drive to push the sport forward and be the best at our respective disciplines. But now I wonder if we were all just wanting to be seen and loved and if we had been there for each other how much of a force we could have been together. Neither of us did the climb this winter, but understanding where these feelings came from helped me derive as much joy in her progress as mine. What a gift. Pic: Climbing in Fontainebleau with all the amazing ladies @outdoorresearch @metoliusclimbing @touchstoneclimbing @bluewaterropes @skinourishment @ospreypacks @clifbar @lasportivana #orambassador」2月27日 1時56分