ローレン・サイさんのインスタグラム写真 - (ローレン・サイInstagram)「hi everyone. I've been wanting to talk about this for awhile, but never did because I was afraid to. I know that being scared of something means that it's important to me... so.. tw: ed There's been something hurting in me for awhile. Something that leads me to stare into the mirror and think that I'm staring straight into all my problems. This feeling of being wrong. I don't know when exactly it started, but ever since I did, this idea started to consume me. I’ve had an eating disorder for about 9 years now. It began when I was 14. My body, my hair, my eyes... I wanted to change everything I could. I moved to Tokyo at 18 and wanted to prove I could handle it. Food was the only thing that made me feel in control. I couldn’t see how sick I was, physically and mentally. I was on TV. I remember crying on a wedding shoot when I was 19 after finding a journal entry from when I was 12. That girl asked big questions of herself. Had dreams. Now she's shivering in a bathroom counting calories. My health was in the trash. I wanted someone to know I wasn't doing ok, but never wanted to let go of the disorder because it was my shield. But, hiding ourselves from pain hides us from love as well. It ruined dear relationships for so many years. If all you give yourself is hate, it'll inevitably pour out of you too. Nothing about this was cool. Or romantic. Or good. Nothing. I wanted to post this because I remember feeling so alone all the time and like it was my fault or something to be ashamed of. I thought I was never sick, or thin, or troubled enough to say anything. I thought, “people have real problems.” If someone out there, on the other side of this screen is feeling the same way, I want you to know that you are not alone and so so so important. I’m so sorry the world sucks. I truly am. All the wrongness is society. Not you. You have been perfect since you were born. They make a lot of money from this shit. Since seeking help, I’ve been better than I could have EVERrrr imagined back then. I will keep fighting with you. The world will Never take your heart (ok im gonna go drive around and scream now lol)」2月6日 14時38分