エヴァンジェリン・リリーのインスタグラム(evangelinelillyofficial) - 7月15日 09時25分
(Con’t) Pt 2 of 2: Listen to their response instead of fabricating your next argument while they speak. Those moments, those conversations that we are shying away from, are one million times more important that what we say on-line or what we read off of our carefully curated feed. They MEAN SOMETHING when they are connected to someone we know and have a reason to care about or at least respect, and they actually have a chance of challenging and evolving you when they don’t just echo your sentiments exactly. They can and will shape YOUR community when they are had within the safe bounds of that community. Otherwise, 99.9 times out of 100 your words become like dust in the wind, shaping nothing, forming nothing, just acting as one more corrosive grain on the solid rock of our collective cultural foundation - a foundation that our ancestors worked so hard and sacrificed so much to build for us.
Here I am, saying this on social media. I am not trying to vilify expressing yourself publicly. I think there is a lot that is very healthy in public expression. But when I write this post, let me not kid myself that the post is the important thing. It’s not. The important thing is the understanding that is growing within me – whether I share it or not. The important thing is ME hearing my own words and throwing off the lies myself. The important thing is me getting BACK TO putting my current, physically present life and loved ones first above the masses, and trusting completely that what happens there, in my Little Life, is shaping and forming the world so much more than anything I could ever do here with my Big Platform.
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detlev_corfield
@evangelinelillyofficial, I wrote a long and rambling (and largely nonsensical) reply to this yesterday, then deleted it because I wasn't satisfied with my attempt to express my thoughts well enough in response to your deep and wide reaching post. And today I was thinking today about how that limitation, the limitation in being able to reply comprehensively to something on a social media post, is in itself a reflection of an aspect of what you are saying here. Communication is most effective when it is a true exchange, with two (or more) pairs of ears that are listening, minds that are genuinely open, and where those involved are not distanced from the other and there can be no doubt that they are talking to a living human, just as real, just as thoughtful and just as sensitive as they are. That realness breaks through so much of the crap that happens in so many conversations online where people default to their stereotype group identities, their default belief systems, and end up responding only either to defend or attack, and not to try to understand. But the modern age, with all it's wonders, has trained us to communicate more and more through online social media platforms and less and less face to face. So, when we get a chance to talk to someone, to listen and learn and think about what they say, we often don't. Instead we listen quietly, remaining closed in our minds, and immediately default to planning how we are going to reply based upon our pre-existing viewpoint. Changing, or evolving our views can often be difficult because in doing so we are forced to recognize that we have been holding on to something that is incorrect, and that can be painful to the ego. So we use the above way of avoiding those face to face intimate communications to hide from that realization, and thus end up changing nothing in ourselves and failing to meaningfully connect. Realizing this, and reminding ourselves to embrace those real conversations and connections, is how we start to break free and our best chance of genuinely learning and of genuinely helping others understand who we are and how we really feel.
ahmed_3atef96
Thank you for sharing this with us, i actually learned something from this ;see i always argue with people who are in my small circle but i actually think i never truly listened to them all i cared about was proving my theories right, after reading this i discovered that i was so ignorant of the closest people to me and this actually might be the reason we feel distant at times i mean last time i had a meaningful deep conversation with one of my families was long time ago. I feel like there was something under my nose the whole time and i didn't see it, i always loved meeting new people see what they have to say, explore there believes and culture and be open minded about it and all this my family was there and I didn't even try to sit with them. Its like I was saying to myself " they're people too dumbass". Anyway thank you so much for expanding my understanding of things I'm really grateful. And sorry for the long comment but i know there's a chance you'd read it and i only write long letters like this to my close friends which as weird as it is you feel like you're one of them
__sarashope
I definitely agree. Like just small differences in your personal life can make a huge difference than just talking to a stranger on the internet. Like I’m not gonna convince a random stranger to not be homophobic but when I came out to my family and had conversations with them about it I was able to make it so they didn’t even react when my three other gay cousins came out after me. Whereas with me it was a big deal cause I was the first one to come out. So I was able to make a difference not just in all my families lives and change their mind about gay people but also make a difference on my three other gay cousins lives so they had a much better coming out than I did and didn’t have to have all the conversations with them that I did cause they’d already had those convos with me. So I was able to make that difference with my voice just with my family than with a bunch of strangers on the internet who I don’t even know if it actually made a lasting difference
rstofjr
This was a great post! From Myspace to Facebook, Youtube, Twitter and Instagram. It has been rare to find true gems in a sea of sorrow or desert of dribble. I once heard a quote someone used to describe the Internet. "Which of all my important nothings shall I tell you first", by Jane Austen. I went down to the library the other day to make a copy for 10 cents. I often wonder why do I or others not spend any time here? This is the place. A place where your mind can grow along with your soul. Or there ARE good shows on the Internet. A certain someone mention Jillian Anderson killing it in Sex Education on Netflix. Fun show! Which lead me to 'Dead to me'. Laughs and joy vs asking myself - why I am on the internet at all? Just another place (device) to be sent notifications of sales or distractions. Thank You E.L. for your words today.
unchartedwarrior
@evangelinelillyofficial I love every word of what you’re saying because it’s raw, honest, true, and from the heart. I wanted to let you know how powerful your actions are. I’ve been a fan and follower of yours for a long time. You’ve empowered me to speak up about the tragic events of war I suffered in Afghanistan and shed light on the trauma it causes on everyone involved - from the soldier to the civilian families and children. You’ve made me evolve. Question myself. Change. I’ve also been battling an autoimmune disease and fighting for my life the past several years, and I’m thankful for having people that have inspired me like you, because I wouldn’t be here to read to my two wonderful boys and raise them to be objective, loving humans like yourself ??✌?
johnnyflash1
Thank you for the reminder... I try to do this as often as possible, in the way you can only accomplish in person, face to face, human to human. I've had the pleasure of discussing issues with someone who truly had viable reasons to not like the previous administration because of policies the affected her personally... But discuss with her why those things don't necessarily mean the "other" person is a better choice... And she's come 180 degrees, and now sees all the things I was talking about and can't believe she used to think the way she did... But it's those moments, the one on ones, the brutal honesty mixed with humility and love that help people understand, if not come around completely... Thanks for your input! Your thoughts do mean a lot to many.
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