レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 3月19日 20時44分

I dreamt of you.
I was at a restaurant with your friends and you were dead and I was so sad. I didn't want to be with them. All of a sudden you appear and you grab me by the arm and take me to go sit at a separate table. Your hair is short like it was before you died and you're giggling, like we're doing something sneaky. You smile because we're sharing a secret: you're alive. It's just you and me.
Then all of a sudden you're dead and I'm at your house, crying. I want to live here, bury myself in your sheets forever. But then you're there again and you're alive and everything is normal and I'm holding an almost empty glass of beer and you pour wine into it and we laugh. I say, "there was beer in here" and you say "I know but now it's wine" and I hand you the glass and you take it. We sit down and I put my head on your shoulder. You're so close and it's so real but in the back of my mind I know I have to hold you really tight because there is a knowing and it's creeping up on me. I don't want to see it. In this moment you are alive and warm and my head is on your shoulder and everything is fine. But then the knowing becomes too big to ignore. It barges in through the front door like a storm, banging the doors open. It's loud and it's violent and it yells DEAD SHE IS DEAD SHE IS DEAD! SHE IS DEAD AND YOU KNOW IT. I grab your hand and your hair is moving in the wind and you're so calm and still smiling. I close my eyes... And you're gone. You're gone and I'm alone. I want you to come back and tell me I'm dreaming. You're not dead, it's just a dream. Reality is you and me standing with our feet in the ocean wondering where the next adventure will be.
But you don't come back. I sit down on your kitchen floor crying but it's more like screaming. I wrap myself up in your scarves and lie on your bed bawling and all of a sudden I wake up and it's not your bed anymore it's mine and Dennis is stroking my hair telling me everything is going to be alright wake up baby wake up it's just a dream. It's just a nightmare. I wake up and my pillow is wet and I'm still crying and I'm so confused because how do I wake up
when the nightmare is life without you

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