"Making Stars...⭐️" A little more throwback. ⭐️ It's a little personal, sorry. I'd like to sort these memories out and write them down while I still remember :) So around this time last year, I was told that my heart procedure to attempt to fix my bad heart valve had failed, and that I now needed a full, open heart surgery. I'm not very good at crying. At least, not around people (This is why I make my drawn girls cry for me). I had left all my good friends behind when I moved across the country for my job. My coworkers were nice people, and there were friends I knew from school, but I didn't have the close friends I usually talked to, and because of the time difference, it was hard to talk to them anyways. By that time, my mom had heard about my heart disease and had flown over from Toronto to take care of me, but because what I had was a congenital heart disease, she felt guilty (which she shouldn't, but I digress). I couldn't talk to her about it after that. It was hard to talk to anyone about it in person. I was scared, and felt quite alone. I thought,"this isn't fair. Everyone else around me can walk without chest pains, why me?? I'm still so young!". Logically, I knew there were people much worse off than I was. It could've been something untreatable, I could've had horrible parents, I knew that. I knew I was still lucky that I was in Canada, that health care was free and my parents loved me so much they moved everyone across the country to be with me (that still makes me feel guilty though...) Ah, my thoughts on this is still kind of a mess, hahaha...I'm glad I'm still alive, though there was a time after my second surgery, I was in so much pain I wished I was dead. Of course, after the 3rd surgery (which was 10 days after my 2nd surgery), I simply felt numb; as if I went beyond wishing i was dead and my brain just sort of shut off a part of that which felt anything. But I digress again. I find it much easier to type about it than to talk about it hahaha...but it's getting better. I can run around now, to catch Pokemon! Hahaha ???~ after all that, I defy anyone who tries to tell me what to post or what makes things fun for me :)~

qinniartさん(@qinniart)が投稿した動画 - 2016/07/22 16:49:10