Ashley Jamesさんのインスタグラム写真 - (Ashley JamesInstagram)「When should you have 'the chat' with the person you've been dating? 💞 I've been asked this a few times recently, and thought I'd do a post about it because let's be honest we've all been in this anxiety inducing relationship limbo. You want to know where things are going, but you're scared you'll ruin things if you bring it up too soon. 🙆🏼‍♀️ So when is too soon? And how do you bring it up without pushing them away? Man, I used to get it so wrong. I was TERRIFIED of being crazy or keen, and as a result I'd live in constsnt state of terror, avoid communicating my emotions, and then hate not knowing where I stood... Whether they were still dating or even sleeping with other people. It made me second guess everything. Eventually I'd suddenly snap, demand they show me commitment, and then felt used when it all went wrong. It could all have been quicker, less painful, had I COMMUNICATED sooner. It took me years to get this right, and to realise there was no timeline or rulebook. Every relationship is different and unique, because we all have different expectations. You have to trust your gut and follow your heart. Also, don't sleep with someone if you're system can't handle not knowing where you stand. Some people are happy to keep things casual with sex, others just can't do it. It's perfectly ok to want and expect someone sleeping with you not to be sleeping with someone else, but don't sleep with them until you're ready for that level of commitment yourself. (You don't have to sleep with them just because it's date 3, if it's then going to make you insecure and powerless). I bet everyone has such different stories and experiences when it comes to 'the chat'. With Tommy, I pretty much told him he was my boyfriend (in a joking not joking way), and when he protested I asked if he was planning on seeing anyone else as I wasn't. He still says now that he respected me for being so blunt. Would be fun to know other people's stories around the chat. Who wants to share? Relationships aren't meant to fill you with uncertainty and dread. Don't mistake anxiety for lust or love! And remember, you deserve love, happiness and CALMNESS. ✌️💞」10月30日 5時44分