キノ・マクレガ―のインスタグラム(kinoyoga) - 11月26日 09時35分

The last few days I’ve been out of sorts. While I’ve certainly gotten a good deal of stuff done, I’ve also loafed around and wasted way too much time checking out online sales. But, today during practice I had a break through.
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After a lazy morning where I just couldn’t get out of bed, I managed to drag myself onto the mat. It wasn’t pretty, but I got it done. It felt like nothing worked, lift ups were not flowing, back was stiff and I started to feel hungry. Then, it hit me, the subconscious thought that has been playing in the back of my mind the last few days (and who knows for how long?). I heard this snarky little voice say, “You’re a piece of shit.” I kid you not. I was surprised to hear that bc I spend so much time working on planting the seeds of peaceful loving thoughts. But there it was anyway. What happened next was interesting.
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I realized a big portion of my sense of self-worth is tied to achievement and doing. Over the last few days I haven’t done as much as I normally do. I’ve taken naps, scrolled aimlessly through animals videos, ate too much and just kind of let things go. It felt indulgent, like a cheating vacation. I felt guilty for watching Star Trek instead of working on my new book. It’s not like I haven’t done anything the last few days. I have in fact accomplished a lot (watch my stories to see my heroic project of the day). But it wasn’t my usual super productive self. Emails went unanswered, clothes sat in dirty piles, dishes in the sink.
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Today during my practice I chose a new direction. Instead of believing that snarky voice or pushing her out, I just listened. This is what I heard—she’s afraid not to work so hard because she’s constantly trying to prove her worth, she’s scared no one will really love her if she just chills, she’s exhausted but terrified of taking a break. Ok girl, I said, I hear you, I see you and I love you, there’s something I want you to know—you don’t need to earn your worth by doing 1,000 things, you’re good enough just as you are. You can just be there and that’s enough.
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It was like a big weight lifted. I felt freer, happier and lighter. Then, I went on to take two more naps.

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