レイチェル・ブレイセンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (レイチェル・ブレイセンInstagram)「Feeling some serious FOMO today. It’s Monday and my social media feed is filled with people telling me to hustle and grind and seize the day and be productive... Meanwhile, I’m making yoghurt and baking cinnamon rolls and trying very hard to rest and move slowly. Emphasis on “trying”. I’m feeling better today but pacing myself to make sure I don’t jump from actual pneumonia to attempting a 10k the moment I can take a proper breath (seriously though, I dream about running almost every night). Sitting on the couch is hard for me. My sense of worth is completely wrapped up in how much I create so when I feel like I’m not creating I start to feel totally worthless. It’s one of those things; it doesn’t matter how much I’ve been over it in therapy or how many times I tell myself I’m good enough the way I am and it’s safe to rest and just sit down - I still find myself on my feet doing something that leaves me feeling at least a little bit productive. I’m always cleaning or baking or fixing or organizing; things that don’t count as “work” in my head so I can still tell the world I’m resting. Funny, no? It is. Or maybe not, especially knowing it’s childhood trauma that left me convinced that I’m only loveable when I’m of service or doing “good”. I go through cycles of working on it but at this point, right now, the guilt of not resting “well enough” is adding a layer of struggle on top of an already pretty challenging time. So I’ve decided not to fight it. Not right now. This is who I am (for the most part). Permission to slow down and sit with the discomfort of not-doing when I can... And permission to allow small moments of creating in my day because they literally keep me from feeling worthless. So today, resting looks less like lying down and more like making yoghurt and baking sourdough cinnamon rolls and cleaning out my closet. Maybe recording some podcasts. Maybe. And that’s ok❤️ How is your heart today? Are you creating or resting? Or a little bit of both? Share x #monday」2月23日 1時54分